i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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