im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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