He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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