I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
