Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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