I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
