He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
