We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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