I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
