I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
