she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
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