nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
