U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And then my night got REAL pukey
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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