you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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