her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
