she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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