i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
