I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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