Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
