I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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