overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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