Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
