:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
