so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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