He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
