You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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