While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
