Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
