Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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