my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
