my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
