listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
