At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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