this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
