Whod you bang
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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