Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
as a side note pls kill me
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
