For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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