But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
