The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
