I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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