We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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