Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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