Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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