I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
