I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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