why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
