She's JV to your varsity
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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