next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
