just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
