Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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