Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
