So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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