A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
