Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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